One Cupcake, Many Mercies

“If you are single, do not be single for the lack of something better to do. Be single for the glory of God, undivided in your devotion to Him. You have the freedom and the time, often the money, to take bold adventures in the name of Jesus Christ. You can do things that would be unwise or impossible for married Christians to do. And if the days are evil, the godly singles should be the strength of the church. Singleness is not a curse; it is a blessing both to the single individual and to the church. A Christian is not single by default as though he or she is waiting for something or someone better to come along. A Christian is called to be single to the glory of God as long as he or she is single – eight u til marriage or death, whatever comes first. Singleness is not an accident. It is not a misfortune. It is a divine calling.” - Dr. Philip Graham Ryken.

•••••

Today, I booked tickets to a fun event that I’m really excited to go to and I wanted to share that with some friends or family. But then I thought, who do I share this with? My one sister already knew cuz we’re going together. The others have just got much bigger things going on their lives - two siblings have new babies and their lives - rightfully so - have all of a sudden gotten a wonderful new priority and focus.

Friends have their own kids with school events or homeschooling functions, celebrating family milestones, anniversaries, buying a house…. and all of a sudden my little event seems rather insignificant.

It’s tough to feel like that, and the devil likes to play with my weaknesses and tell me that I have very little use in the kingdom because I’m not celebrating a marriage or an engagement or a new baby.

Now, I’m not about to say those feelings aren’t real. It’s tough to go home and celebrate a good thing that happened in my life by buying one single cupcake. And, to be fair, I’m saying this as someone who has amazing friends who would absolutely celebrate with me but that goes back to my first comment of it feeling rather insignificant when they’re busy shaping the minds of the next generation.

I got home today and picked up a book I recently bought at Reformed Book Services in Ontario while I was there for some meetings. It’s a book called “Fine China is for Single Women Too” by Lydia Brownback. The quote above was in that book. In the gentlest, kindest, most encouraging way anyone has ever done, this book called me out and pointed me back once again to God.

Yes, there is a longing for companionship and someone to help with life things like finances or car repairs or grocery shops. I've found lately that it's just really hard to drive home alone after a Sunday spent with people I love. Doing things alone is hard. But, there are so many good things too.

When it so often feels like I have little to offer those around me, it's good to remember that the church needs its singles too. I'm busy but my schedule is my own which means I can babysit those kids on short notice, I can take over coffee social when there’s last minute cancellations, I can have a “quick cup of tea” (which often turns into midnight snacks 😉) with the minister and his family, or run outside to watch the Northern Lights with the kids next door when they come knocking because my singleness gives me the freedom to do those things.

God doesn’t put us where we are by accident. If I believe in His sovereignty, which I do, I have to believe that singleness is where I'll best be able to glorify God. If that wasn't the case, I would not be single. He knows better than me what will bring me closer to Him. I can join all the dating apps, go to all the conferences, meet all the people (and none of those are inherently bad things if you’re looking for a spouse!) but I have to do those things trusting that God’s final say is what will be best for me.

How freeing is that?!

I don’t need to stress about missing events because “what if…”.

I don’t need to worry about always looking my best (who’s got the time for that?!) because of first impressions.

I don’t need to lose sleep over thinking that God might want me single for the rest of my life (even though that’s a little hard for me to consider).

Why?

Because God is sovereign. He’s not out to get me or make my life miserable. He's doing it with a different motive: He’s doing it because He loves me and because He knows that bringing me closer to Himself is what will bring me ultimate joy.

Marriage, singleness, parenthood, childless – although it is often said otherwise in rounadbout ways, no one calling is higher than the other. God isn’t going to look at someone on the last day and say, “Oh, well, you never had children so I guess you’re just not fit to be here.” How ridiculous is that? Man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. I can do that when I’m single or when I’m married, and the same joy is there either way.

Now lest you think that I live by these statements, I can tell you that I have not. In my mid-to-late 20's I would've said that yes, this is true of my life. But, I’ve spent the better part of the past 2.5 years struggling mightily with feeling like I have little to offer the church, or my friends, or even my family. Even now, as I'm looking through the photos on my phone of all the children God's put in my life, I struggle with it. So, before you think I’m preaching at you, this is even more me preaching to myself.

I'm aware this won't be pertinent to everyone who reads it but if, like me, you feel like singleness is a trial, or if you have a friend who is struggling, or if your church has perhaps neglected to make room for the singles, I pray this will encourage you. I pray that this will help you realize that your singleness really a gift. For some of us, it might last our whole lives, others will only have it for a short time. With whatever time you have with it, glorify God. Use it wisely, not burying it in the ground because of fear or doubt or anger or bitterness. Your singleness is the Lord's. So is mine. He will fulfill His purpose in it. Look for the blessing in your singleness, not the trial. God calls singleness a gift – let's call it that too!

Do you enjoy hospitality? Make your home a place where people can come for coffee or a meal whenever possible. Do you love kids? Help with families - offer your babysitting services to the tired new parents, volunteer with organizations like Safe Families, encourage and mentor the teens that have been put in your life to walk with the Lord. Do you enjoy books? Volunteer to create a church library that everyonen can enjoy? This little shop right here was an exercise in using my gifts to help the broader church community. To say I have nothing to offer is like telling God he made a mistake with me and throwing His gifts to me back in His face. That's not okay. Everyone has something and the church needs all the gifts its members have to give, regardless of marital status.

And praise God that He doesn't mean for all of us to have the same story. How rich and full life is when we can come together from all different circumstances and all, both as individuals and as one whole community, taste the same richness of joy in Christ.